We all know someone who feels unhappy, frustrated, or even numb. They are losing themselves to a life from which they simply cannot break free. No matter how they try, they can’t change their situation. Or maybe they have reached the point of giving up and staying stuck. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I hear, “I hate my life” or “It is what it is.”
I was this stuck person. I was slowly becoming numb. My world felt like a twilight zone. For some unknown reason I was allowing what I believed about myself, what was important to me, and what I felt was my purpose in life to be slowly, meticulously stripped away. It seemed that everything I did to stop this process only made the situation worse. I felt stuck or, as I liked to call it, in “twilight prison.”
Ten years of marriage to a person who felt that every aspect of me needed to change had destroyed most of who I knew I was and what I had always wanted from life. Yes, we did have a couple very nice years in the beginning of our marriage. I was working as an assistant professor of music with a specialty in voice and women’s choirs. As the children started to come so did criticism, guilt and my husband’s expectations of who I was to be, expectations I did not understand or want.
Under pressure over those ten years, I gradually gave up the work I loved and had begun at age fifteen, my views (especially political), and many longtime friends that were not considered suitable.
What do you do when you get to this point, when you don’t know what to do to make things better? Well, I cry.
The moment that changed my life began as I drove away from the marriage counselor’s office. In order to help my husband’s mental state, I was told I needed to comply even more with what he wanted me to be. The problem was, he was only happy if I was totally miserable. I pulled off on the country road and began crying yet again, when I suddenly made up my mind.
“Enough is enough. This is my life and I want to live it,” I exclaimed as loud as I could. That is all it took.
God heard me loud and clear. The universe opened wide, sending people and events into my life with the “tools” to help me discover myself again and walk out of my prison. These tools helped me discover who I was deep inside, what my desires were and what my purpose was on this earth. The more I practiced using them, the more I began to understand and find my strength, confidence, a new perception of myself and the world around me, and most of all, peace and serenity.
Now I was able to take control of my life with purpose. I learned to take responsibility for my present “twilight zone” situation, think through what was the best result for everyone involved, and act on it.
Unfortunately my marriage could not be fixed, but because I could now look at the situation more objectively and really wanted what was best for everyone, our children got through the separation and divorce in the best way possible. And I have been able to see my marriage for what it was, learn from it, and move on with a greater understanding.
All the tools I learned to use are invaluable and work together, however forgiveness and letting go particularly offered me total freedom. Seeing my prison as objectively as I could, forgiving myself for my part and my ex for his part in our marriage have allowed me to let go and move on out of my prison and into a life without baggage. It offered me freedom.
A unique opportunity arose to teach these tools to people of all ages and walks of life — classes of twenty-five to thirty angry, hurt, and sometimes resentful people. The results I saw by week three of the classes were astounding. Every person was happier and taking steps to open the door of their prisons. By week ten the whole class seemed to better their lives.
I feel truly blessed to have been given not only these tools to better my life and my children’s lives, but to help others learn and use the tools to gain awareness and finally break free from their prisons. And because I believe so strongly that these tools work, I have made it my purpose to provide the tools and guidance to everyone and anyone who wants or needs them. Honestly, I think that is why they were presented to me so easily and clearly.
The feeling is amazing. There is no other word for it. It’s amazing to be free to create the life you know you were meant to live, to be open to all the blessings and opportunities the universe brings your way every day. The very best part is, you are free to see and use these opportunities to better your life and the lives of those around you.
There is nothing better than freedom — to create, love, enjoy, and live.
Enjoy the life you create.
By Alena Chapman